butt kicked.

PT today.  my butt was kicked, to the curb and back again.  it was frustrating, i was almost in tears....over catching a fricking ball.  yep, you read that right.  i play catch in PT.  standing on one foot, to test and stress my balance.  i finally got through the exercise, but with MAJOR modifications.  but i got through it.  and i was tired.   boy, was i tired.

i'm working hard to get myself back in shape.  i haven't lost any of the 60-80 pounds that i have to lose, and that bums me out.  i'm really down on myself about that.  but my balance is v e r y  s l o w l y coming  back to me.  it doesn't help that i can trip over ANYTHING that is on the floor, near the floor, 17 feet from the floor, in another room from me, whatever.  i'll find a way to trip.  and that messes up my ankle more.  and stairs.  why do i have to live on the second floor?  and have to take a flight of stairs to get to my flight of stairs?   because i live on the side of a mountain, that's why.  and i walked myself silly this past weekend.  with stairs, too.

and my hips aren't stable, either.  but they are getting there.  the more i work them, the more they rebel and HATE me, the more stable they are.  it's a nasty circle, but a necessary one.  right now, i'm flat on my back, in need of a nap because i didn't sleep last night.  and THAT complicates matters.  i'm not sleeping, so i can't lose the weight to take the stress off my hips, blah blah blah.

but i'm working on it.  i'm working hard.  i'm working like a mad woman....that can't catch a ball.  let me tell you, for me, that's MADDENING!