livin' on a prayer

there's been a lot of sadness lately.  a very good friend's father died.  he was a wonderful man, i cared for him a great deal.  i can only imagine what she is going through right now.  i can't be with her because she's currently with family on the east coast and i'm stuck in my burg here in the desert.  i wish i could be there.

and then there's boston.  so tragic.  are we ever going to know what the motivation of the individuals behind the bombings was/is?  too many people died, too many people were hurt.  and for what?  we don't know why.  we may never know why.  one suspect is dead, the other, well....we don't know.  there may never be an answer.

and west, texas.  an explosion that pretty much leveled a town.  first responders lost when they answered a call to a fire.  no one realized what was going to happen next.  a fire at a fertilizer factory.  that's a huge bomb just waiting to go off.  and it did.  and so many people died.

and friends that are struggling with things every day.  illness, depression, addiction, loss of self worth.  it's all so overwhelming.   how can people deal with so much?  and not just totally lose it?  i don't know.

i do know that i'm not a religious person.  i'm much more spiritual than religious.  i know, i know, a lot of people say that.  i feel a connection to something greater than myself, but i don't think i need to be a member of a church to have that connection.   it's all about me and my relationship with God, Allah, or whatever you want to call the greater power.  it's not about sitting in a building for an hour on a sunday and going through the motions, which is what i did for years.  i didn't ever feel that connection when i was going to church on a regular basis.  i felt....lost.  i felt like everyone else was getting it but i was left in the wilderness.  and it didn't seem fair or right.  so i stopped going to church.  but i never stopped searching, seeking, exploring and learning.

and i think i've found it, for me at least.  but i'm keeping it to myself, because it's no one else's business first and foremost.  and it's about me and my feelings.

so i've started praying again.  in my own manner.  it may not be like my friends that go to church pray, but it works for me.  when i see a post from a friend on Facebook, or i get a call, i say a prayer.  i've prayed for people i don't know probably just as much.  and i've found that it's comforting.    so i think i'll continue.  i don't know if it is helping at all, but it seems to be helping me, and that's a positive.  and i can use all the positive in my life right now.

i've thought about asking for prayers for myself and my family, but i think right now i'll just stay the course.  but i'm not going to rule it out.  they say there's power in numbers,  someday i may need those numbers on my side.