i have a thing for john hughes movies. i've been overdosing on "pretty in pink" lately. it's one of his movies i really relate to. i was the girl that got stood up at prom. i got dumped by the guy of my dreams for a really lame reason, his friends. except for the broken home and karmann ghia, i lived andie's life.
but looking back has also been cathartic. i had a good cry about dream guy that dumped me. and then i realized that he just wasn't worth it. he cut out of my life at a time when i was most vulnerable and needed support. desperately. but he couldn't hack it, so he ran. and i was left floundering on my own, in a city i barely knew, to make my own way. and i did. it wasn't easy, it wasn't always pretty, and quite often i fell down and had to scrape myself off the pavement and get back up again. but i did, and i found that there was more than dream guy in the world for me. there was THE WORLD. if that breakup hadn't happened, i NEVER would have moved on to get the job i have, never would have lived overseas, never would have left the small neighborhood in the huge city i lived in. i would have been tied down to something that may or may not have made me happy. i can't try to figure out which way the pendulum would have swung, the universe closed that door for me.
but, back to the movie. it made me think about how good i've got it now. how things have been rough for the last three years, but they're beginning to look up. it's a slow, slow process, certainly. but things are getting better. i'm better and getting back to work soon, hopefully. i'm working on quite a few things around the house, and i've got hubby working on a few projects, too.
and i've been thinking of others. i've been stepping outside myself and thinking of others. it all started on facebook, with a friend that was just having a challenging day. i took a moment and just thought some good things for her, and sent it out into the universe. i don't know if it qualifies as prayer or just a meditation, but i felt a little more at peace when i did so. in the next few days i noticed more and more requests for prayers or good thoughts. so i did the same thing for each of those friends. again, i had that calming sense of peace come over me. i like this. i REALLY like this. i've always tried to do good things and help people, but prayer? i never thought much about it. i don't know what to call it, but i keep sending the good vibes out there and i keep the calm coming to myself. the way of the universe? i don't know. but it feels like the right thing to do at the right time.
so i have a john hughes movie to thank, for making me all weepy and thoughtful. for making me want to change the things i think and feel today, so the things i thought and felt all those years ago seem much less significant. for helping me heal a hurt that i thought could never be healed, by helping others. i don't feel that empty hole in my life so much any longer. it's filled with the hopes for a lot of friends that need hopes. and dreams for others that need dreams. and hugs for those that are hurt themselves and need a good hug. it's amazing what you can accomplish by going back to high school, just in your head, and exorcising those demons. they're gone or diminished so much today. and positivity has taken their place. and that makes me feel pretty in pink.
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