i took a break. i had to get my mind back on what it is i'm trying to achieve with this project. and it seems to have worked. i'm feeling a lot more optimistic, a bit more focused. i'm back to trying to find one really good thing that happens each day and celebrate that. no, things aren't perfect. they never will be perfect. but i'm not letting that get me down. i'm pushing through the negative and looking for the positive.
there's still a lot i need to do, but i'm back at physical therapy, and working hard. i had the (not)flu, which put me back a few weeks. it made a mess of my plans to do the color run on february 16. i won't be able to do that now, but i'm not going to let it get me down. you see, this accident happened one week before my first 5k, and i have it stuck in my head that i need to run a 5k again. i will, i know i will. but i'm not running right now. i have to get out and get walking again, first. i haven't been able to do that for quite some time. now i'm healthier, and i can get started.
i'll hopefully be back at work in the next two months. it's going to be a tough adjustment for everyone in our family. we have to start working on our plans now, especially for our daughter. when i am away, where she will be when our work schedules overlap, etc. i had to have that conversation with her this evening. she admitted that she doesn't really like the idea of me going back to work, but i have to. i love my job. i'm good at my job. i miss my job. i feel like part of me is missing, and that's what added to the depression that i went through. it's going to be stressful and hectic, i know, but we have to face the reality of me going back to work. it's going to happen, and it's going to happen soon.
so we're looking at a new start. i have to look forward, and stop looking back. and i need to be a little kinder to myself. i'm my own worse enemy and critic, by far. i have to start looking at what i do well and not tear myself apart for the one thing that i don't do so well. and not dwell on it, either. it's much easier said than done.
so i'm gearing up for a new start, of sorts. let's hope it's a good one.
It sounds like you are in a really good place mentally and getting back to your physical self. I am really glad for you! I hope the talk with Olivia went well. I hope you get to get back to work soon!
ReplyDeleteall i can do is try. i had a moment at PT today. we discussed this very thing. it isn't what i used to be able to do, it's what i CAN do now. a few months ago i couldn't walk. now i'm walking and doing an easy jog at times. that's an improvement i'll take! and O isn't happy, but she realizes that mom has to go back to work. we just have to work out the details of who is going to be where and when. THAT is going to be a challenge!!
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