a stitch in time saves my sanity? or how am i going to learn to conquer my fear of simplicity?

it's not normal to sleep in so late, or is it?  i have no idea what normal is these days.  my schedule hasn't exactly been dictated by much, other than medical appointments, as of late.  i couldn't sleep last night, so i decided to watch a movie on netflix to hopefully lull me to sleep.  it worked, because i woke up this  AFTERNOON with my ear buds still in my ears.  i think i fell asleep around 4 or 5 am, so it's back to the same old insomnia/falling asleep challenge that i've had for years.  if we could only figure out why i have such a problem with falling asleep.  i sometimes wish i could just take my brain out of my skull, set it on a shelf safely for the evening, and go to sleep.  i NEVER STOP THINKING.  and i don't know why that is.  i always have some idea pop into my head at the most inopportune time.  i used to keep notebooks by the bed, so i could jot these ideas down, but i found that just encouraged me to stay up and write more.

but now, in the mornings, i have no idea what those flashes of brilliance were.  so i guess i'm damned if i do, damned if i don't.  i'm just a tired wife/mother/fellow traveller that needs a little rest.  is that so much to ask for?  i mean, i basically have what i need to get by in life.  i have some money.  i won't deny, more would be nice.  i have a small condo home.  my ideal is a small house, in a smaller or smallish city, preferably on the edge of the city, so i can keep some animals.  but i have a home.  and it's pretty secure.  i can cook like a mad woman, so my family definitely is well fed.  i have loving pets (my grey mama cat, blanche is curled up at the foot of the bed as i'm writing this) so my need for unconditional love is met, and returned in full.  i have a job waiting for me, when i'm healthy enough to return to work.  i have enough "stuff" to fill this house and probably another.  that's what happens when you get married later in life and you both have a home and you attempt to consolidate them.  and that's the crux of the matter.

stuff.  too much stuff.  we're purging.  we're getting ready for the annual community garage sale, complete with traditional "bloody mary sunday" to go along with it.  by sunday, we just don't care any longer.  we're tired of people wanting a $500 stroller for $5.  our nerves are fried, we're tired of people yelling at us, yes, yelling at us.  at our own sale.  really, we don't have to sell you a thing.  you can leave.  but we're trying to be helpful.  i understand how hard everyone has been hit be the downturn in the economy.  my family has struggled just like, if not more than, everyone else.  and yes, we're getting rid of not just unwanted things, but UNNEEDED things.  stuff that we just no longer desire.  we fall into that classic american cycle of wanting, desiring what the next guy has.  but i'm so over that.  simplification is my new buzz word.  oh, how i love things to be simple.  i can live with simple until the cows come home.  it's a superb word.  simple.  straight to the point.  not a fussy existence.  just a nice, simple kind of life.  one where there's no envy of what the neighbor has.  one that you embrace what you've got, and make the best of it.  i mean, i can't bear to throw out two pairs of socks because they've got holes in them.  i'm looking like crazy for a darning form, so i can fix my own socks.  i need to learn how to knit and crochet, and SEW!  why am i afraid of my sewing machine?  if i can tackle just about any recipe in "mastering the art of french cooking" why am i so scared of that sewing machine?  it's been sitting there, taking up space in my closet for two years.  i NEED to learn to sew.  i need new curtains in the living room, is what i need.  and i don't want to pay an arm and a leg for them, so i need to learn how to sew.  that's my motivation.  but there it sits, taunting me, every time i open the closet door.

so....ENOUGH!  i just had a birthday.  i'm turning over a new leaf.  i've started to bury the hatchet with a few people i've had differences with, online.  i can do this damn thing.  i can make a set of curtains for the living room.  i can master this sewing machine, right?  boy, do i sound like i'm talking myself into this or what?  so that's another goal.  if i don't learn to use the machine, it's going to have to go.  so time to put up or shut up, as it were.  i've never backed down from a challenge before.  this one, i've never even cracked the seal on.  well, it's time to jump in.  let's just hope i don't turn into one of those women with a closet filled with fabric, patterns and notions.  first of all, we lack the closet space.  and secondly, i just scared myself because i know what "notions" are.  wish me luck.  i fear i'm going to need it.