this all started out as just a way to make myself feel a little better. i've been going through a lot lately, and writing down what i'm grateful for sounded like a good way to explore my feelings. but it's taken a turn into something a bit more. so my husband suggested i make a blog out of it, and a few friends agreed. so here it is. my first entry in "the gratitude experiment." i'll try to migrate some of my facebook postings over to this blog as time goes on, but for now, it is what it is.
that said, the presidential debates were tonight. i intentionally did not watch. first of all, i've decided for whom i am voting. second, my television was taken over by my 7 year old, who was watching "Rio" for about the twentieth time. but it did give me time to do some thinking. and today my gratitude was all about being able to stand on my own two feet, literally and metaphorically.
i have just had ankle surgery. yesterday the surgery wraps, splint and stitches were all removed. YAY! and i got "DAS BOOT." you know, the bionic looking, high tech hard walking boot they give you when you have a foot or ankle injury. well, it's DAS BOOT (all caps, all times) in our house. you must say it with emphasis. so i can stand by myself, on my own two feet again. and you have no idea how good that feels. it was three weeks in bed, with my foot propped up on pillows or walking with crutches, at which i'm very clumsy. we got a knee walker, and i will be using that while doing things like shopping, but-to be able to stand, with BOTH feet on the ground? oh, that felt so good. i can do things i couldn't do earlier this week. water my little balcony garden, go get a glass of water, without having to stumble over various household pets/items, walk down the stairs out of my house! oh, that felt good. going outside, wow. it's AMAZING how we take that for granted. i won't again, let me tell you! i still can't drive, but i can at least get to the car, get in the car, get out of the car on my own now. and that feels so good. and to be able to get in the shower by myself, without at garbage bag taped to my let, covering all that surgical wrapping? that is going to be unreal. truly, it is the simple things that matter in this life.
and THAT got me thinking. the simple things matter in this life. SIMPLE. i've been trying to simplify my life in the last year or so, without much success. probably because we live in a large city, and with that comes all those big city complications and concerns. and i do not want them any longer. you see, i've been struggling with this ankle/body issue for some time now. and it seems that it just keeps getting more and more complicated. luckily, we have pretty good insurance, and we're able to take care of what needs to be taken care of. unfortunately, it was a work injury, and my employer has chosen NOT to take care of their responsibilities for the last year and a half. why is it that we, as a society, have no problem with corporations being classified as, "people?" i mean, really? some bean counter, in some human resources department makes a decision, and most likely that decision is, "NO." and we're just supposed to be okay with it? when did doing the right thing become so undesirable? so unfashionable? so......WRONG? we wonder why a large portion of this country is marginalized, well folks, there you go. someone followed the corporate handbook and said, "NO," when they could have very well said, "YES!" when they could have taken care of someone instead of putting them out of a job. by helping instead of turning their backs. by actually lending a hand, helping instead of, "you're on your own." we have one candidate that boasted of the "47%" of the country that feels "entitled" to live off the government. SERIOUSLY? let me illuminate this a bit. my family has struggled for the past year and a half. we've somehow kept our heads above water. with help from family, yes. but largely by going without. and i'm supposed to feel guilty about wanting what i've paid into? let me repeat that. I'M SUPPOSED TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT WANTING WHAT I'VE PAID INTO? if you've ever had to live on disability of any kind, social security, public assistance, WIC, food stamps, whatever, there should be no stigma. there should be no shame. because if you've worked hard, and you've paid your taxes, YOU'VE PAID INTO THAT SYSTEM. but i'm supposed to feel guilty about needing those monies now that i can't work. that's, pardon me, fucked up. i'm a hard worker. i do my job, i TAKE PRIDE in my job. but right now, i can't work. and it's through no fault of my own. but i'm supposed to feel guilty, to feel ashamed that i need help? we, as a society, have lost our compassion. we've lost our dignity. we've lost our ability to DO THE RIGHT THING. and we need to get that back. so i'm all about getting back to standing on my own two feet. i'll get there, eventually. but until i do, we continue to struggle, day to day, because i'm supposed to just hide and not participate in a society that has marginalized me. i'm a fighter. i won't take this sitting down. i'll be back on my own two feet soon enough, and i'll do something about it.
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