pedialyte and bedrest. my ideal weekend?

i've been sick the last two days.   it's forced me to take things much slower, much, much slower.  and i had to get a new computer.  so, this is my first post on my new macbook pro.  as much as i love my macs, i HATE going to the apple store.  it's so loud, it's so crazy, it's so crowded.  it makes me appreciate quiet, when i get home.

and i've been thinking about quiet and home a lot lately.  it's not that i really mind the desert, it's truly a beautiful place to live.  it's just the urban sprawl that i cannot stand any longer.  i need S P A C E.  i never thought i would want to revisit my childhood again, but i do.  i want a yard for my daughter, i want space for animals.  i want to raise chickens and goats.  i want to plant crops, so my family can be self sufficient.  these are the things that bring me happiness.  i'm not afraid of hard work.  in fact, the more focused i am on hard work, the happier i am.  it's this urban existence, that seems to be kind of floating day to day, that has be in a quandry.  i seem to go through my days with no focus, and no purpose.  just go to work, put in your hours, come home, make dinner, make sure my child is happy, bathed, ready for bed.  get up again the next day and do it again.  there isn't a real purpose to it all.  and it seemed like my parents and my grandparents had so much purpose in their lives, with having chores, maintaining a home, harvesting their food, making their clothes, all those things that we've gotten away from.  i have a sewing machine.  i'm scared to death of the thing.  time to change that!  i'm trying to grow things on my patio, but that's not enough space.  terra cotta pots just don't compare to plots in the ground and plowing, sowing, harvesting, putting the beds to rest, turning them in the spring, all those things i saw my family do when i was a child.  all those things i used to help do.  was it all those years ago?

so, the search is on.  i want to leave this desert space.  i want to find my green pasture, where i can find a little house, it doesn't have to be that grand.  just big enough for us.  we can learn to be efficient and spartan.  it would be refreshing.  and we can learn to go without.  i get so tired of hearing, "i want i want i want i want."  ugh.  people want so much.  do they take the time to SEE what they really have?  what they REALLY AND TRULY HAVE?   and how wonderful those things are?  we're blessed with so many gifts, but we take them for granted.  and i want to get back to that core existence.  that "simple life" as so many people call it.  because i truly believe it is a better way of life.  so, if i have to give up life in a city, so be it.  i'll find my nirvana not far from one.  but it will be a much smaller urban center.  2 million is too, too big.  all i require is an airport to get to work, and a little bit of land.  i'm not sure if i want to live in town or on the edge of town.  there are advantages to both.  but i want to recharge my soul.  and this place is draining that.  i've been here too long.  so it's time to start thinking about change.  a change of seasons, a change of local.  a change of heart.  a change of spirit.  now, if we could just bring the real estate market around, life would be just grand.  hey, i can dream, can't it?