and.....the insanity starts anew. we really need a change of venue, this family of mine. we had a knock at the door about 4:30 pm today. it was the police. my first thought was, "what the hell now?" well, so happy to find out that our next door neighbor has NUMEROUS samurai swords in his house. AND that those swords are now stuck into furniture. it seems that he's a bit (understatement?) upset, and might harm himself. his father is rightfully concerned. there was an all out intervention happening today. three police cars, an ambulance, a fire and rescue paramedic unit and a fire truck, all in our little neighborhood. and he wasn't home. no one has seen him in days. his car is here, but he isn't. and i'm concerned, because i have a child, this man is my next door neighbor, and because i care.
i care enough to not want anything bad to happen to him. he seems like a nice enough person. i don't know him all that well. what i do know is that he went through a very difficult divorce, lost custody of his daughters, and moved next to us, so he could stay close to his girls. he keeps to himself, mostly. i haven't seen the girls in a while, so i don't know what is going on with his visitations. i do know that his brother and nephew are staying with him. i did see his brother leaving today, but that was early this morning. since then, nothing.
there really isn't much i can do, honestly. if i try to reach out to him, and i've tried in the past, he just withdraws. he's not into having friends, or anyone for that matter, knowing anything about his life. i know he's unemployed, he was fired from his job. there seems to be a history of some sort of emotional disorder, but the family has been very vague on that. we just don't know what to do. the police have told us to keep our distance, which we will do. but i'll feel horrible if something were to happen. i don't know if i could live with myself if i had a chance to help him and i didn't because i was told to keep my distance.
mental illness is such a cruel mistress. you never really know who you are going to be dealing with, the completely normal person or the one that has been on a no sleep bender and just that side of normal. the one that rightfully thinks that the neighborhood is gossiping about them or the one that hears people whispering when no one is there. we don't know what's going on with him right now, and we've been instructed to stay out of everything. that's what i have to do. but knowing that he's sick, that he's just not himself right now, that something is going on that is causing his problems, it's bothering me to just stay away. i'm the sort of person that wants to help. but on this one, i'm flapping in the breeze. even if i could help, i can't. so i just have to say a few good words and hope that he finds himself, and finds himself in time.
so that's how crazy life is right now. we just got back from a very peaceful, pastoral stay in the mountains. i got lots of rest, because i sleep so well in the mountains. i was just doing my mundane day to day tasks when everything but a SWAT team descends on my home. for a neighbor that keeps to himself and doesn't interact with us, who has gone off the rails. and now i'm walking on eggshells, because we share a common wall with him, and i don't know what is going to set him off, if he's home, what his triggers are, ANYTHING that can help my family, or help him. i feel so helpless. and that's a feeling i do not like.
it's time for us to go. it's time to take stock of what we really need and pack up and leave this city, the craziness that gets to everyone and just go. we need to leave, for our own good. that's the plan. now we just have to put it into action. i'm really proud that we've made the decision to scale back on what we need, to actively downsize. we've decided to live small. we just have to make it happen. some days that plan seems more impossible than others. but it will happen. for the sake of my family, i have to MAKE it happen. so, until then, business as usual.
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