my friend, beno, had a heart transplant today. i'm not sure how long he'd been on the waiting list, but he got the news about 1 am that he was receiving a donor heart. as happy news as that is for his family, you have to see the other side of it.
somewhere, someone lost their life. and that family made the decision to let their loved one go. to allow their organs to be harvested for transplants and give the gift of life, sight and health to others. it's a selfless act that i fully endorse. i've made my wishes known to my family to be an organ donor myself. i can only imagine what the donor family went through.
i've had to deal with death and dying a lot in my life. quite a lot. mostly during my childhood. i was surrounded by it. i had grandparents that died suddenly. neighbors that were elderly and past away unexpectedly. i had classmates killed in accidents. and a very good family friend died from cancer, at a very young age. that one shook me to the core, and still leaves me confused to this day. i've seen it from the very sterile aspect, i've seen it from the emotionally charged, fully attached side. i've seen it from most angles. but i've never seen it with a family member, and been asked that difficult question, "do you wish to donate their organs?" i give a lot of credit to grief counselors that have to handle that question. i could never do it. i could never look someone in the eye, with the express intent to get them to sign a document allowing a hospital to basically dissect their loved one and source out their bits and pieces. i couldn't do it. but they do it every day, and they do it with compassion and grace.
and that brings me back to my friend. he has a wife. he has a young son. he isn't very old himself, a year or two older than i. he's been dealing with heart disease for a long time. he has known that this was his reality, that the chances were slim that a healthy donor would be found in time. but that miracle happened. i'm not a very religious person, but i've been praying off and on all day, for him and his family. and now i'm adding the family of the donor. someone had to die in order for my friend to live. and that is a very hard thing to wrap your head around. someone had to lose their life so my friend could live. and i know this man, he's pretty selfless. the thought of hoping for a donor heart had to be a difficult one for him, because he was, in effect, wishing for someone to die. but it isn't meant in that spirit, i don't mean to be flip about that. but it is a reality. in order to receive the donor heart, someone had to die. it's the circle of life, but there is no hakuna matata here. it is just cold, hard fact.
so tonight i am most grateful for an anonymous family that is grieving. that lost someone they love. but rose above that, and gave my friend, and probably many more, the gift of life. i am thankful that such selfless people, such compassionate human beings still exist in this world. if i met them, i would thank them profusely. i would be crying with them, like i am right now. i feel selfish, though. my friend gets to live. i know he's going to have a very rough road ahead of him. he's got to be so careful, cautious about everything he does. but i also know that he will look at every day as a gift. his life has been extended. he'll get to see his son grow a little more, into a fine man. he and his wife will have more years together. and his best friend will be waiting to play more jokes on him, i know he will. you see, family isn't just the family you are born with. we make our families as we go through life. and i have a huge family in the drum and bugle corps world. and beno is part of that family. and god smiled down on him today.
and beno, with his undying sense of humor, his ability to laugh at everything, his big, damaged heart, smiled back. and life came full circle. he's going to continue to laugh at everything, but with his new, bigger, better, undamaged, and even more caring heart. i just know he will.
so please, tonight after you read this, or whenever you read this, think a good thought for my friend. say a few good words to God, Buddha, Allah, whomever you believe in. hug your family, tell them you love them. and smile. always smile. life is difficult enough, without stuff like this thrown at us. if you are so inclined, think of donating to help my friend and his family. they could use all the help and support we can give them. and please, please, smile for my friend. the man with the huge heart and the smile for everyone. and hopefully many, many more years to give both of those gifts to the world.
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